I have a friend (or: every single time)

26. September 2026

A short story about a friend.

I have a friend, a weird one.

She has different moods that influence me deeply. Before we meet and she arrives, I already have a pretty hard time. I’m moody, sad, sensitive, sometimes even aggressive towards myself. Unforgiving. Insecure.

Why is it like that? I don’t even know. I wonder every single time. And every time, I feel like I need to find a way to deal with it.

When she arrives, it’s a bit like a release. It’s like a pressure that has been building up for days can finally go away. Still, there’s a bit of tension in the beginning. But at some point, it gets better. As soon as her mood switches, mine switches too.

At some point, it almost becomes the opposite of that insecure feeling from before we met. At some point, it almost feels like we could conquer the world, like nothing is out of reach. We feel good together. We feel more than that: we feel good, secure and sexy. We enjoy this little high, knowing it will pass pretty soon again. And still, almost every time, this little rise feels somehow special. Maybe the fact that we know it’s only for a short time makes it special.

But we cannot deny that we sometimes ask ourselves: How would life be if we always had these highs? Where would we be? What would we have achieved?

But as quickly as this high comes, and as much as we enjoy it, it passes just as quickly. Sometimes we don’t really notice it, but there comes this point where we can’t really stand each other anymore.

Why is it like that? We don’t even know. We wonder every single time.

As a consequence, we start to separate, at least for a while. We separate without really doing so, because we still think about each other. We still think that there is something between us.

And at some point, the cycle begins again, starting with the moodiness, the sadness, the insecurity. An overwhelming mixture of feelings that influences every move I make, often without me even realizing it.

And then, when she comes back to visit me, the whole thing starts all over again.

Every single month since I was 13.